i'm so yours for the taking.

I will always remember this as one of the very best days of my life.
December 16, 2004. 5:57 pm.

6 years ago today my love was in my arms again.
Finally.
After two years of nothing but letters and a phone call twice a year.

He was home.

And we'd never have to miss each other again.

I love you more today than yesterday Drew. But not as much as tomorrow.

M

8 years ago today...

(via)

Was one of the worst days of my life. I was hopelessly, miserably, completely, body and soul in love. And I was about to say goodbye to it for two years. My love was leaving and there was absolutely nothing either of us could (or would) do to stop it.

8 years ago today Drew left for his mission. I remember crumpling to the floor of my tiny apartment sobbing, wishing the day had never come. Wishing I had never encouraged him to go. Wishing for all the wrong things. But in that moment I didn't care. All I knew was that he was gone. My air, my heart beat, my song was gone and nothing would be okay again until he returned.

I saw him last a couple nights before his departure. He was so strong and wonderful through the whole thing. He walked me to my car that night, it was rainy and dark and everything about it felt wrong. How could we possibly be saying goodbye for two years? We sat in the car listening to some of the songs he had written to get me through. They were perfectly beautiful and still make me cry today.

I am so so so honored to be loved by him. I am so so so glad I wasn't married to someone else when he returned. And I am so so so happy to be his forever.

I love you hunnie, don't ever think of leaving me again.

M

Here are the lyrics to one of the songs he wrote just before leaving. Sigh. It is a blessed treasure to have a musical man.

The Promise Fulfilled

I've waited for so long for you to come back.

Three years have seen an emptiness in me.

A part in my heart,

where your heart belongs.

Where it fits perfectly.

Now that I've served, and you've served,

let me serve you for all eternity.

After three years the pattern never changed.

I love you more and more everyday.

I still remember...

That smile, those eyes, the tears when we said goodbye.

The promise that I would return and in turn, I'd spend my life with you.

So now thats all been fulfilled and I still can't get by without you.

So now it's time for us to take the next step.

One step to begin our lives together.

Tomorrows unknown but I'll get there with you.

We'll be there hand in hand.

Never again on our own.

Never alone.

To help each other stand.

After three years the pattern never changed.

I love you more and more everyday.

I still remember...

That smile, those eyes, the tears when we said goodbye.

The promise that I would return and in turn, I'd spend my life with you.

So now thats all been fulfilled and I still can't get by without you.

-Drew Blimes

without love i won't survive.

(via)

I remember the moment I realized I was in love with you. I was on Monroe Street stopped in traffic. I was thinking about you and how I would see you soon. ( You lived in tampa then and me in Tally). I was thinking about how in a month or so you would be leaving for two years and I wouldn't get to see you or talk to you. Only write you letters. It was a strange feeling, knowing you wouldnt just be there whenever I wanted, needed. I was pretty sure saying goodbye to you would literally kill me. (And I still say it nearly did.) Even then you were necessary to my survival. Just like you are now. Just like you always will be.

Falling in love with you snuck up on me. It happened slowly, gradually, and before I even realized what was happening  I was gone. I didnt stand a chance really. Some things are just meant to be. I was postive you felt the same. When we were together it felt like the whole world was filled with love.

So I said it first. "I love you." And of course you said it right back. And later that night you walked up behind me, wrapped your arms around me and said "Now when I do this you know it's because I love you."

It was a great moment. One I never want to forget.

I love you still Drew Blimes. "In a not so 'friendly' sorta way."

M

mail call...

(via my home girl)

Dear Husband,
     I'm going to miss you this weekend while I'm in JAX literally partying my pants off. Be sure to eat healthy while I'm gone.

Dear Wild Bachelorette Party Weekend,
     Be kind to me. Let me rest and hydrate when needed. But also let me take my hair down and boogie down for a while! I need to move and shake and get a little CRAZY!!!

Dear Sad, Petty and Pathetic Woman...no girl, you're still just a girl,
     I feel sorry for you. I really do. You are a small and twisted person. I hope one day you can grow up and be as cool as me.

Dear Miles,
     When I sneezed and you said "Bess you," yesterday I nearly melted to death right there. I love you.

Dear Baby Bump,
     Back off! I am ONLY 15 weeks in! It is NOT time to be popping out yet!!! (But I wouldn't mind feeling a few kicks from the tiny one living inside you!)

Dear EVERYONE,
     Have you booked your spot in the Lindsey Lou Christmas Photo Party yet??? It is GREAT deal and you will not be sorry.

Dear Barbie,
     Have you finished The Hunger Games series yet? Do it and then call me so we can talk about it. I need you to LOVE IT!!! Also... Do you still go by Barbie or am I just your most behind and annoying friend???

Dear Marquesas,
     Stop being such a wimpy kiddy baby whiner and go exercise.

Dear Florida State University MBA program,
     I knew you were smart enough to recognize genius when you saw it. My hubby is gonna rock your world. (And then can you please help him get a good job after...please???)

Dear Shelley and Lindsey and Jenn Beast,
     We are so close but so far away. When will my soul sisters come over to play???

Dear Olivia,
    Pop me out a cute baby girl this weekend please and don't skimp on the pics! In fact, just go here and book today.

Dear Reader,
     Thanks for caring, well at least reading my ramblings. You make me feel so loved.

M

billy.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Admit impediments. Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove:

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark 

That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wandering bark,

Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks 

Within his bending sickle's compass come: 

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, 

But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

-Shakespeare

8 years ago today.

(via)

Drew and I had our first kiss.

We had been  friends (but pretty much crazy for each other) for a year and finally couldn't hold out any longer!

It was like 3 am and it was magical. Honestly, the best first kiss ever.

I must say, I married a very good kisser.

Happy day to us darling!

M

because this picture reminds me of every good thing.

I love you Miles. You make everyday better than the last and all my moments worth it. Happy napping baby boy, see you when you wake!

Mommy

the giving tree.

(via)

(via)

If you haven't. you must read this book.

M

thursday.

Things are beautiful if you love them. -Jean Anouilh

moments.

via

i swear it's true.

Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.

-James A. Baldwin

image via

tuesday and change is in the air

for you

"What is the deal with turtle wax?

Is it made of turtles?

Is it used to wax turtles?"

I heart you boobie!

M

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.

It hit me last night while I was tending the nursery at church that my baby will grow up. I was playing Monkey-in-the Middle with some older kids and having so much fun when I was just absolutely overcome with this sad, somber realization. I mean, I already knew it and i think about how fast he's growing all the time but last night I felt especially tender on the issue.

It seems like Miles is ALWAYS in such a cute stage. He changes so much everyday; learning new things, saying new words, experiencing first after first. I love watching him discover the world and being there to witness his reactions to everything. There are so many things I adore about my tiny guy.

-I love how he always smells like cinnamon from his morning oatmeal.

-I love the way he smiles when he's being mischievous.

-I love that he's discovered how to give me raspberries and he finds it hilarious!

-I love how he begs to be "wocked" before bed to delay the inevitable night night time.

-I love how fascinated he is with bugs.

-I love his solo dimple.

-I love how snuggly he is just after his bath.

-I love that he loves to run around naked.

-I love the way he says crazy, "Kazy!"

-I love that he loves me and even though he can't say it yet he shows me in so many ways it's true.

I know one day he will be too big to sit on my lap and have me "wok" him to sleep. He won't think I'm funny just because I make a silly face or dance around the room like a mad woman. I'll just be an ATM and a ride to the mall. But for now he's mine to hold. To snuggle. To kiss and hug every chance I get.

I love you baby boy,

Mama

today seems like a good day for forgiveness

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."

"Life is an adventure in forgiveness."

"Somehow forgiveness, with love and tolerance, accomplishes miracles that can happen in no other way."

Today I am grateful for Heavenly Fathers mercy and forgiveness. I'm happy it's here for me and for my family. For Miles, who although I can't imagine him ever doing wrong will someday need it. I am grateful for the ability to forgive and move forward. Even when it's hard and you may never feel quite as you were before. It's possible with heavens help.

Yes, today feels like the perfect day for letting go.

M

like a junkie to a rush

I'd trade my mama for your touch.

Oh wait, that might just be too much.

But I'd do anything but that.



M

(photo taken about 2 days after Drew got home from his mission 12/2004)

sometimes our mail man brings us love...

We just received a package in the mail... there was a lovely little book inside for the tiny guy! All about drumming no less! And monkeys! Needles to say he adores it!




Also there was a little surprise for me! Not too shabby eh?



Thank you Mom! And Miles thanks you too! We LOVED our little surprise!

M

*Side note- I was wearing this SAME tee the last time love came to me thru mail... time to go shopping.

tonight is your night bro.

Top ten reasons Miles is my favorite tiny guy...

10. He is a great hugger.

9. He loves to dance. He'll drop everything anytime he hears music and boogie down!

8. The way he smacks when he's eating peanut butter. Like he's absolutely savoring every bite!

7. He has the softest most adorable flabby baby booty you've ever seen!

6. His babbling. Oh the babbling! I LOVE hearing that boys voice!

5. He loves to play STEAM ROLLER with me and thinks it's hilarious when I'm squishing his guts out!

4. The way he says "all done" when he's ready to get out of his high chair. It's like he's singing it.

3. He loves playing Ring-Around-The-Rosie

2. He loves holding hands

1. Last night he let me rock him to sleep.

I love you tiny guy. Yesterday, today and tomorrow too.

Mama

lift the roof off your soul.

We're totally in love with this!

Ballroom dancing!!!

Drew got me a gift certificate for lessons LAST YEAR for my birthday and we finally got around to using it. I wish we had sooner! It is so much fun! And it is wonderful to have a shared hobby again! Of course it involves music! Why didn't we think of this before?

I love ballroom. I never thought I would (I'm more into hip hop and such) but I do. The romance of being swept around the room in my lovers arms. Our bodies rhythmically moving togehter to the music. An hour plus of uninterrupted togetherness. We love it. Really. We practice every night after baby boy goes to bed. Our instructor should be so proud.

We turn on the cheesy tunes and laugh.




We step on each others toes and laugh.




We crash into walls, furniture and rocking horses and laugh.



It's magical.



I just know I look like a total idiot with this HUGE goofy grin on my face the whole time but I can't help it.

It is fun and I am happy.

M

and with Him came the sun.

Thank you for coming to earth for me. Leaving behind Heavens comfort and peace. Thank you for kneeling in the garden; feeling every pain, disappointment, anguish I could ever imagine so that someday you could help me through my petty troubles.

Thank you for being my perfect example of a friend. A brother. A Savior. Your words get me by each day. Your deeds inspire me to be better. I want to live up to the potential you created me for.

Thank you for dying for me. For letting your body be tortured and slain so that I could someday return to you. For forgiving even your murderers with your last breaths. You are beautiful.

Thank you for rising again. Removing the stone and stepping back into the sun. Taking your rightful place resurrected and glorified beside the Father. You are wonderful.

I don't tell you nearly enough how you've changed me. Everyday you change me. The earth mourned three days for you. Three days for the King. Three days of darkness and storm. And then on the third day you returned.

Today I remember what you did for me. For us all. I mourn for your pain. And I rejoice in your resurrection.

Thank you Lord.

M