small victories.

We have seen improvements. Big ones since my last post related to my first born and his spirited ways. Long term readers and those close to me know that I am nothing if not honest here and the night I wrote that I just HAD to let it all out. I thank you all for your love, understanding and suggestions. As I promised myself I would, I deleted the post after a few hours. I am glad so many of you found it a comfort to know you are not alone in the struggle with parenting a strong willed child. It helps me to know it too. Social media. It can be so very very good. Thank you friends for reminding me that above all Miles loves me dearly and I love him. That really is the whole point right?

The night of the post I midnight dialed a friend and just cried and cried to her. She, as she always is, was perfectly calming, understanding, uplifting. I honestly have no idea what I would do without her. I hung up the call knowing all would be well somehow, someday.

Since then I have seen small positive changes in my son. His "I love you's" came back. He started playing our "I Love You More Than..." game again. How I have missed that. He picks me flowers in the yard and on walks. He is hitting much less and he will stay in time out many of the times he's sent there without running away. He is trying and I am grateful.

We definitely continue to have our moments of willfulness  defiance, battles, tantrums, and all of the other things I went on about in my post but right now we are moving in the right direction. I just have to keep up the energy to be what he needs me to be. And some days I am positive that I am not cut out for it. But Heavenly Father sent this beautiful boy to me. I was chosen to mother him. And I will not give up on him.

Thank you all again, so much for your advice, encouragement, and hands on help (you know who you are). I love you. Having family and friends as wonderful as you all makes everything seem much more possible.

Love, 

M

cover me.

So you left me a letter. 

And just spying it hidden away there in the TV/music stand brought me to tears. You were leaving for a few days for work and you knew that I would be sad when we said good bye. The day and night before you left were the worst in a long long time.

I held back tears as we hugged goodbye in the driveway. I couldn't hold on too long or too tight because six children were attempting the great escape.

"You should go inside and watch some TV or something."

"I can't do that with all the kids here."

"Well, you should. Just go in and watch some TV or turn on some music."

When I walked back inside the TV cabinet was baby proofed shut. I opened it to find the love you left behind for me. 

How do you always know just what to do, 

what to say to chase my crazy away.

Your letter was loving, supportive, and funny.

Just like you.

I cannot believe how blessed I am.

How blessed we are to have found one another.

You're right you know?

We really don't need anything but each other and our little family to be happy.

I love the boy you were when we met.

I love the man you have become.

I love growing up with you.

Working hard to become the people we dreamed of being.

Thank you for loving me every single day.

Thank you for never letting me doubt for one second that you know me.

Need me.

Want me near.

There is something very special about you.

And I plan on keeping it all to myself.

I love you and miss you like crazy,

M

happy birthday two you.

Oh how I treasure you sweet boy.

You are two now.

Happy Birthday!

You make my days so happy and my dreams sweet.

I love you.

Mommy

birthday girl.

I love you birthday girl.

This morning you surprised me with a delicious cake.

And you sang Happy Birthday dear daughter.

I don't know if you noticed but I had to work hard not to cry.

You are so wonderful at mothering me.

I continue to be amazed at your capacity to love me no matter what.

You loved me when I was literally crawling out of my skin crazy.

When I disrespected you in teenage angst.

When I moved away.

And when I came right back.

You love me through my liberal ranting,

and my sub par housekeeping.

You have never let me feel less than.

Never allowed me for one second to wonder if I was special, or beautiful, 

or wanted.

You were meant to be my mother.

And you have been perfect at it.

You always have a smile to share,

a story to tell, 

a warm embrace for a weary soul.

You make the world around you shine a little brighter.

People and animals are drawn to your light.

They want to tell you everything.

Just like I always did.

And still do.

You refuse to be sunk.

Even when everything goes so so wrong.

You never give up.

You think of others before yourself.

Always ready with a helping hand 

or a word of advice.

You are kind. 

And so beautiful.

And I am so very thankful to be your daughter.

Happy birthday Mama,

I love you.

M

me.mine.

(Family Photos by Elizabeth Birdwell Photography)

Last Friday night I fell asleep with a smile spread all the way across my face.

It had been a really really great night.

Drew and I had our usual Friday night date (thank you again to our amazing babysitter) and we returned home with happy tummies to a clean house with sleeping children. (Like I said, amazing sitter.)

We had gone to Miller's. It's one of our favorites here in Tally and from the time we set foot out the door we were laughing.

Being married to a funny guy is the BEST ever. 

I highly recommend it.

If you are single, you should make "non-funny" a deal breaker ladies.

Anyway, the night just made me thankful once more for the man I married.

That kind, silly, perfectly suited-for-me-and-all-my-crazy husband of mine.

As Drew and I were in bed that night Miles called out to us from the hallway. "Hello? Is anybody there?" Turns out, he was awoken by what he thought was a chainsaw. Ummmm... Yeah, I have NO idea but it was pretty hilarious (maybe ya had to be there. Yeah you did.) and it kinda just made the night that much more perfect. After that he curled up between us and was in his sugary sweet sleepy state. Oh sleepy Miles is the very best Miles. He says cute things and wants to be held and hugs you back and returns "I love you's" I. Love. Sleepy. Miles.

I want to always remember lying there cuddled up tight with my husband and my sweet baby, with my other precious little lamb just feet away and the overwhelming love and joy that filled up every space in my heart. Family really is the most precious gift. I am so thankful and humbled that Heaven has blessed me with the incredible souls I share my life with.

So thankful.

A while back I was chatting with a beautiful older sister at church. She was recently returned from an overseas mission with her husband and was holding one of her sweet grand babies  I asked her if it's true that having grandchildren is even better than having your own children. She answered in a way different than any other grandmother I'd asked this question of and her response comes to my mind very often. 

So often. 

She told me that grandchildren are a tremendous blessing and a source of pure joy. But she added that in all her life, her sweetest, most precious memories are of the days when her children were all small and she would lay in bed at night knowing that they were all there together. All her babies safe in their beds. Everyone under one roof. Together. A family. 

I am so grateful for her perspective and the wisdom she shared that helps me remember to slow down and savor and appreciate these hectic, crazy days of young motherhood.

After all, family is kinda the whole point of...well everything.

And it really is the best ever.

M

of rants and rambles.

(Because they make me smile.)

Things are good. Graduation is ever creeping nearer. Masters programs are tickling my brain. Me? Yeah right. But maybe... Just maybe... I honestly never thought I'd be finishing my BA but that is happening so I guess you never know. I truly enjoy school. It is one thing I do just for me. I mean, in the long run it will benefit my family financially and all but the learning part of it is just so refreshing for me. It feels great to be sponging up the knowledge left and right. I was skypeing with my adviser last night and she kept mentioning how I'm practically finished with the major. WHAT!?! It reeeeally is within reach.

My calling at church has been a source of tremendous blessings already. I honestly feel like I am growing in the gospel again. What a beautiful thing that is. I find myself wanting to sit down and read the words of the prophets and actually taking the time to search my scriptures. Why didn't I do these things more often before? Either way I am grateful for the boost of motivation and a re- energized spirit. So so thankful for the gospel. The girls are completely fabulous and have been so sweet and welcoming. I can tell I am going to enjoy this calling. I love it already.

Drew is rounding out his final semester as an MBA student. As of May my baby will be on the done-zo list! Go baby go! You can do it you can do it!!!! He and I don't see a whole lot of each other but we are making the most of our moments and we just started planning our 8 year anniversary trip to NYC! Wheeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So far it looks like lots of good food (thanks Rand), a little Wicked, and seeing the sights in the big city. Yes. Time away together is much needed after finishing up his MBA program. He has worked very hard for 2.5 years and it is allllllmost time to celebrate!

Oliver is officially weaned and I HATE it. And he HATES it. If I could go back in time I would give less of a crap what people had to say about it and follow my instincts. I thought "Oh he'll sleep better once he's weaned. Oh, he'll start talking more if I cut him off. He's getting too big anyway. Blah, blah, blah." Boo I say. Boo. He is the grouchiest beast in the world every time he wakes up. He cries and screams and begs for his "boo boo." It is sad and I wish I had just let him nurse until he weaned himself. 

There are upsides to that story but right now I am venting so I'm only writing the boo hoos.

Amelia stop talking to me while I'm trying to blog. ;0) (j/k you know you can sit and talk to me all day everyday)

Anyway, my girl is here now so I'm gonna get my adult interaction on. 

JK again. She went to sleep. How rachet. bahahahahahahahahahahaha

One last bit of happy before I go. 

It's my birthday month!!!! I'm going to be 30! What!?! I judt don't even know what to say about it yet so we'll just leave it at that.

(Because she's awesome and she's sleeping on my love seat.)

Happy Friday!

M

little worlds.

Because I don't want to forget one second of how perfect you two are to me. Just as you are.

 

Big guy:

I love the way you smell like cinnamon and strawberries all day long from your oatmeal mixed with yogurt in the mornings.

I love the way you crawl into my bed in the middle of the night and squish as close as possible to me.

I love that you still want me to hold you even though you are my big big four year old.

I love the way you have freckles only one one side of your sweet face. Your perfect perfect sweet face.

I love that you say your prayers now without being asked. You know He is there and you are beginning to count on Him.

I love to listen to you making plans big and small. I hope one day you live them. Every last one.

I love your tricks.

Your dancing.

Your early morning sweetness.

I love the pictures you draw and the way you are learning how to spell everything.

I love the way you love to play outdoors and get muddy.

You are everything a mother could hope for in a baby boy.

I hope I tell you enough.

You are still my baby. 

And you always will be.

And to you sweet baby brother...

I love your happy happy face.

You are my smiley, silly little buddy.

I am so happy to be your mommy.

I love your voice. 

The way you say "Wha?"

The way you say "Pez Mama. Pez Dada. Bye Bye. Bapple. Yay" (that one means yes)

I love the way you smile so sweetly as you're falling asleep. I am happy that you have good things to think of as you drift away.

I love chasing you around our house.

It is so easy and wonderful to make you laugh baby.

I love your squishy baby booty.

The way you say "Hot" anytime anything hurts.

I love the way you sing the wheels on the bus. And Johnny works with one hammer.

You Love music.

I love it when you help me unload the dishwasher. Standing in the door, handing me every dish you can reach.

The way you laugh maniacally when you find a knife or an apple peeler.. anything dangerous really.

I love when you help me sort laundry and you call out "Mama. Dada." as you find clothes that belong to each of us.

I love you boys. You light up my life. And your Daddy is quite crazy about you too.

Mommy