i do.

Drew and I are kid free for the weekend  Mama stole away with our little ones Friday afternoon and we have been basking in the just-the-two-of-us-ness since. I keep having flashbacks of life without kids. I really had no idea how much free time I had back then. I keep wondering why in the world I didn't finish my degrees when I was young and vibrant? I was happy working at the YMCA with good friends and cute kids. Life was so simple as a young girl living at home "waiting" for my missionary to return and marry me up right nice. Even after we were married we had SO much time to kill. So many wonderfully slow weekends just lazing around our tiny apartment soaking up each other. We were so different then. Becoming parents has changed our lives in all the right ways. We have always been insane about each other but adding two new people that we get to adore together just seals the deal ya know?

This post is going to be a rambler. Just so ya know. I have a favorite blog and recently she has drastically cut back on her posting and it makes me sad. I don't even know the girl but her writing always speaks to me. She finally posted today and again her thoughts mirrored my struggles and the way my brain works... or doesn't work I suppose.

After reading her post I realized again why exactly I enjoy social media so much. It wasn't until I became annoyingly vocal about my political views on facebook that I recognized the motivation behind my every post there, here on blogger, and across my other various web based discourses. Be it political or not...

I want to know that someone, somewhere, feels the same way I do. 

I want some semblance of understanding from another human being that really knows what I'm going through.

I want the validation that I am not alone in struggling with anger/depression/anxiety/you name it as a mother.

I want to know that I'm not the only one who isn't living the fairy tale they dreamed up as a girl.

I want a connection with someone living through the same disappointments and stresses that I deal with every day.

Maybe it's an impossible hope. But putting myself out there feels better than being alone with my thoughts. And it is definitely more healthy than plaguing hubbs with them constantly (though he does his fair share of therapy sessions for me).

Don't get me wrong. I know I have it good . So good. But sometimes it's just nice to know that other's are right there with me ya know? You know.

Yes, a ramble-a-thon for sure.

Maybe you're feeling a tad rambly yourself tonight yes?


Someone out there is listening to the same song.
Feeling the same way that I do.
Make me a believer,
Pick up the receiver,
And tell me you feel just like I do.

-Better Than Ezra


Leslie Russell said...

Feeling a bit rambly? That's like asking me if I'm breathing - hahaha. You express your thoughts (and sometimes mine) so well.

The Hargretts said...

I know how you feel about just the feeling of having stress in life. I know our stresses are probably totally different but it's nice knowing I'm not the only one going through difficult times. But what you're so good at is expressing your gratitude and thanks for the blessings in your life. You seriously have the best attitude and you're such a great example to me. You are seriously SUPER MOM I can't imagine how you do everything you do. KEEP IT UP! Also, if you guys ever need anything or any help you know you can always call on me and Chris!

freya said...

blogging/social media can definitely be a great outlet for thoughts/feelings! and you're always so honest and out there, i really admire that! hope you had a great kidfree weekend! :)

Brett said...

Hey girl. It's been fun to read your last several posts. I can relate to so many things you've been writing about! I've been contemplating lately why I like blogging so much and I think a lot of it has to do with the things you said. Thanks for sharing!