Today a friend confided in me that she had said some unkind things about me during an argument with her husband. Strange thing was, I didn't get mad. It really didn't bother me at all. I love her, she loves me. End of story. But it struck me in such an odd way I thought I'd like to have it recorded and possibly get some feedback on the subject so here we are.
See, she and her man were having it out (as all married couples do from time to time) and she said something along the lines of "I don't want to be like Marquesas and not tell you what's bothering me and then resent you for the things you do and don't do!"
I was startled at first. Is this the perception she has of me and my marriage? Because Drew and I don't fight it means I don't stand up for myself? Does she see me as a giant doormat? Do other people too? I thought about it for maaaaybe half a second and decided I didn't care.
So unlike me. I am usually VERY much concerned with how my friends perceive me, my choices and my life. But in this case I don't know, it just rolled right off me.
Yes, it's true. I do get frustrated and feel alone at times. What wife/mother doesn't? But, I decided a long time ago that I wanted to live in a peaceful house. No yelling, no fighting, no intentionally hurting each others feelings. That doesn't mean there's not conflict. We simply choose to deal with it in our own way. If I am feeling overwhelmed, before I say something that might hurt someone I take a walk or a bath and broach the subject again later when I've had time to really put things into perspective.
Does it reeeally matter that my husband doesn't help much with the housework? Somedays it feels like a scream-it-from-the-rooftops- YES! But most of the time, no. It really doesn't. (Hubby, this is not a get outta housework free card, just sayin'!) :0)
What does matter is that he is KIND. He LOVES me. He is good at the BIG PICTURE things in life. SO what if he doesn't seem to notice how sticky the floor is or that the toilet looks like some freak science experiment gone wrong. He notices when I've had a hard day and need a hug. He notices when Miles wants to play or needs snuggled on the couch. He NEVER and I mean NEVER criticizes me. NEVER raises his voice to me. NEVER lashes out and tries to intentionally hurt me. He is a GOOD man. And I am lucky. He's not perfect, I'm not perfect. But we love each other the best way we know how and it works for us.
The advice Drew gives people before they get married is:
"If it's not worth getting divorced over it's not worth fighting over."
I guess you could say that that's our little marriage motto. It may seem general and overly optimistic but it works around here. Please don't think I'm claiming to have the perfect marriage here. No one has that. I just felt like sharing a bit after the conversation I had with my girl this morning.
Happy Thursday and book and appointment with Lindsey Lou Photography soon!