mama.

Day two: A picture of you and the person you've been the closest to the longest.

I remember being somewhere around 6 years old. I was scrawny and whiny and so so needy. We were walking through the K-Mart  parking lot and I asked my mama to hold me. 6 years old! And you know what? She didn't even question me. She just bent down and scoped me up like I was the most precious thing in the whole world. I vividly remember riding on her hip all the way into the store and that's where the memory stops.

I'm not sure why such a seemingly mundane moment in our lives stuck out to me so brightly that I have carried it with me all these years but i think its probably because of the way it made me feel . The message that it sent when she picked me up. "I love you. I'm here for you. Of course I'll carry you. You are mine. You are safe." 

And there hasn't been a day in my life that I didn't know she was still there with that same message. She has carried me through so many things. Things no mother should ever have to deal with. And yet she was strong through it all. She never let me know if it was becoming too much. She just loved me. And held me. And kept me safe from all my demons both real and imaginary.

Now that I'm a mama myself and have my own busy life to live I know she sometimes feels like she's not needed but that couldn't be farther from the truth. Yes, things are different now than when I was that scrawny six year old but in lots of ways they are very much the same. I still need her to tell me I'm okay and that things are going to work out for the best. I still want her blessing on all my endeavors and value her opinion on things in my life. I still know that anytime I need her, she is there. And I still include her in my prayers every night that she will be safe and happy. 

I love you mama!

M