Tonight, I held Miles while he fell asleep instead of our usual bedtime routine. He was so peaceful and calm and still. I didn't want to let him go. There isn't much stillness in his waking hours these days. It seems I am always removing him from some danger or another or telling him "no" or running ragged trying to keep his busy little mind and body occupied.
I want to let him explore and discover everything, but I know he needs boundaries. I have encountered children with no boundaries and it is not (in my opinion) pretty. Today I did however let him get into the baby proofed cabinet under the kitchen sink and remove all the items from the tool box. He thoroughly enjoyed himself. (I spent ten minutes picking up nails, screws and staples after he was finished but he had a good time.)
The faster he grows, the more I want to freeze time. I miss baby Miles. I LOVE two year old Miles of course but I long for those snuggly nights when he shared the big bed with Drew and I. I almost let him sleep with us last night.
Why does no one tell you how heart wrenching motherhood is? How fast they change and how there are never enough hours in the day to hold them close and kiss their tiny cheeks?
I know with each stage he goes through there will be wonderful, exciting milestones to celebrate but in this moment I just wish he'd stay my snuggly tiny guy forever.